M is on the move. She figured out how to crawl, pull up, and cruise furniture all in a 3 day span of time. She’s everywhere. People are always saying- on no she’s mobile! But honestly it’s been great. Does she now always have a fresh crop of bruises and scratches- absolutely. But she’s able to explore and since she has been an incredibly….er…energetic? baby since day 1 this is helpful. The bathroom seems to be her favorite ( mental note to increase frequency of bathroom floor cleaning) and I will find her happily standing up banging on the side of the bathtub like a giant percussion instrument.

Having a boy and a girl means no anatomy explanations needed later. C has already asked me why M doesn’t have a “weebug”

The other new activity this has opened up is playing with her big brother. Actually playing. She crawls into his room in the morning to wake him up- since she has been up for hours…and hours.

He plays with her toys while she tries to push him away. They even get mad at each other already. I feel like I’m watching the start of the sibling relationship develop. M is no longer a passive, screaming blob of a baby to C- she’s a human being now. On good days I can sit back and take a 5 minute break and watch them play with each other. On bad days I tell M to stop yelling ( no maam! is repeated so much these days) ¬†and C that he can’t roughhouse his 9 month old sister. But hey that’s just parenting siblings.

I remember when I got pregnant wondering how I would ever love a new baby as much as I loved C- my only baby for 5 years. And every one told me that I would, to not even worry about it. I want to call bull crap on that. The love I have for these two children is not even ¬†remotely similar. While it is true that I would take a bullet/jump in front of a bus/distract hungry zombies with equal enthusiasm for either of these little monsters-each one has a very different part of my heart. And there are a lot of days I still love C more than M. A lot. (Stop judging me.) I think part of that is because it was just him and me for so long. C still says, “remember the good old days before, M?” Yes of course I do!
I sometimes get angry with myself for taking that away from him. The part of my heart dedicated to baby M is still growing. And it’s a very slow rate of growth due to the extreme difficulties we have had with each other for the past 9 months. I know eventually it will catch up and I see hopeful glimmers of that now while watching her personality develop. She says mama and copies me, she smiles so big when she sees her dad on skype or C after school, she pats my arm after I pick her up out of her crib- good job mama- and I can feel us becoming more allies and less enemies. I think even once I can say my love for them is equal it will still be very different. I love C for his curiosity and caution, his kindness and empathy. I have a feeling that won’t be the case with baby M and instead I will love her for her ballsiness and brashness, her courage and independence.
And I think this is normal. If normal is really a thing. So I’m off to parent my completely different, completely normal kids, and be a normal mom still figuring out how best to love these two very different souls inhabiting the monsters I call mine.